This past week was World Breastfeeding Week, a week dedicated to raising awareness for breastfeeding with this year’s theme of “Support breastfeeding for a healthier planet.” This post isn’t about my breastfeeding journey or all the products I recommend for breastfeeding. This post is for all the women that couldn’t breastfeed and didn’t have that experience.

Just before my husband and I got married, I went for my annual mammogram. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 34, followed years later by her sister’s diagnosis. I also have a paternal aunt who is a breast cancer survivor. Because of my strong family history, it was recommended that I start getting mammograms prior to the recommended age of 45. I was used to the gowns, the cold machine smashing my boobs together like a s’mores, and the occasional bruised sternum. This time was no different…until I got the results.

Abnormal.

You can imagine the fear and anxiety running through me hearing that word. Abnormal. I was the same age as my mother at her diagnosis.

Fast forward a few weeks, the diagnostic mammogram indicated dense breast tissue (which is actually very common), and my mom, aunt, sister, and I all tested positive for the BRCA2 mutation. To clarify, everyone (men and women) has the BRCA 1/2 genes, which are tumor suppressor genes. However, some of us have mutated genes that don’t work properly and result in an increased risk of breast and ovarian cancer (along with some others).

My husband and I knew we wanted to start a family and needed to go through IVF for our first pregnancy. I was nervous to pump my body full of hormones to have our miracle baby, but more so because I was scared to death of being diagnosed with breast cancer while pregnant. It was never a question of IF I was going to be diagnosed with cancer, but WHEN.

With the support of my husband and family, I made the decision to have a preventative double mastectomy prior to beginning the IVF process. My friends threw me a “Boob Voyage” and “Ta-ta to the Tatas” party to help me celebrate my last few days with the girls that had always been by my side. I’m sure other women can relate…you feel like your breasts are a part of you, help define who you are. Same with your hair…which is why losing your hair during chemo is such an emotional process for women.

I was comfortable with my decision to get rid of my ticking time bombs. What solidified my decision was a dear childhood friend. We grew up taking dance classes together and went to high school with each other. She reached out to let me know she had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer…and she was pregnant with her third child. I am happy to report she (and all her children) are doing well!

Fast forward again…our first round of IVF was a success! During my first pregnancy, I was completely fine with the fact that I would never get the chance to breastfeed. I no longer had breasts. At the time, I still had my nipples…though those were removed at my last revision surgery. I had done the research…I knew fed was best. My child would be perfectly fine being formula fed. Still, I had my doctors, nurses, and husband all on guard in the hospital so I wouldn’t have to interact with a lactation consultant. My birth plan was epidural and no lactation consultants entering my room! I had heard horror stories from other women who had undergone mastectomies having uncomfortable encounters with these women (who I’m sure are wonderful people so nothing against LCs). One woman I follow on Instagram, Meghan Koziel, had an amazing banner made for when she delivered.

This pregnancy is no different. I’m looking forward to not being the only one responsible for feeding this baby. My husband, family, friends can all help (well, I guess that all depends on what’s happening with COVID-19 by the time this little guy makes his arrival). I still know that he will be perfectly fine on formula, just like his brother.

What I have noticed this time around though is a bit of FOMO…seeing all of these beautiful, strong women sharing their breastfeeding journeys and experiences (and even the challenges). It’s been an emotional week for other reasons, but seeing these women has also made me emotional. So to all of the women that feel like they also missed out on this experience…I see you, I hear you, I stand with you.